Out of Control

If you know me, you know that I am a complete control freak and yet, somehow I justify this ridiculous behavior with the fact the I can ADMIT  full out that I am a control freak.  I don't know if it's because I am particular about certain things or maybe just overly opinionated or if it's because I like organization, but I seem to control or attempt to control the majority of things in my life. 

Since I do most of the shopping I tend to control.  What we eat, what we wear, what products we use, it all comes out of my budget, so while I don't make the money in our family, I pretty much control how our disposable funds get spent.  Then there is our house, which I like to be picked up and fairly clean, more control, and Graham, whom I am trying to raise and teach good manners etc, even more control.  I also like to lead, so VBS director or MOPS steering team, more and more control. 

Feeling in control of the things in my life soothes me.  It makes me feel at ease, while feeling out of control drives me nuts and literally stresses me out... or it did until this month.  June was kind of a whirlwind month in the Ahlers household.  Between Tim and I we had commitments nearly every night of the week and it seemed our weekends were jam packed with social activities.  This scene is fairly common for us, but add all that to still trying to get pregnant, Graham entering his terrible 2 phase and VBS, my sence of control totally flew out the window. 

In a near melt down state last week, I finally just gave up and you know what?  It was the best feeling EVER!  I sat down for the first time in a really long time and earnestly prayed for God to control my life.  To just take over because I was at my wits end.  I will admit while I have been incessantly praying lately...  for another pregnancy, for Graham's behavior to improve, for all my friends/ family going through rough times, I haven't really been letting God take control of MY life.  I have been asking that He take control of everyone else's life, yet I found myself mostly bitter and upset with Him and his timing of our second baby.  I was controlling everything in my power, meds, timing sex, eating healthy, exercising, you name it, I controled it in hopes to get pregnant and still, nothing was happening.

During my prayer I realized my life is already in control, it's in God's control.  What I need to do is let go and let life take it's course.  Maybe we still won't get pregnant, and maybe Graham will continue to act naughty, but it's out of my control.  I just need to relax and enjoy all the wonderful parts of life that have already been given to me and if that means I'm flying by the seat of my pants, then so be it.  In the end things have a way of working themselves out, I just need to figure out how to let it happen!

Like an Octopus

A mommy octopus is exactly what I feel like I've been for the last 2 days  :)  My neighbor, Amy, asked if there was anyway I could watch her kids for Wednesday and Thursday this week... of course I can help a friend in need, no problem.  So for the last 2 days I had an almost 2.5 yr old, a 22 month old and a 2 month old... this is why God decided it should take 9 months for a baby to be born! 

The first day went great.  Packed all the kids in the car, went and got Graham from pre-school, ate lunch and all kids took a nap at the same time... couldn't have asked for more.  When they woke up they were super excited to play together and the afternoon flew by.  Today, not so much  :(

Graham woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, so no matter what anyone did his response was to have a melt down.  The newness of having a playmate to share toys with had totally worn off and every toy poor Carter touched Graham shrieked and took away from him.  This of course this resulted in crying and more time-outs, but how much can I really do when I am trying to feed Addy or change a diaper?  There were a lot of tears shed at the Ahlers household today.  I could have used an 8th arm for sure. 

 All in all we survived... the Hogrefe kids were really, really good (I'm considering a trade agreement, one 2 mo old for a 2 yr old), but let me tell you, when Graham is having a bad day, everyone is having a bad day!  And there is nothing anyone can do but hope he wakes up on the right side of the bed after a good, LONG nap.

No Luck Thus Far

For those of you following this saga, Tim and I still have had no luck in the baby department  :(  Supposedly the Clomid 'did it's job' this month, but still no baby.  We are trying to keep our heads up and are hoping for the best, but of course each month gets a little harder as we get more and more impatient and more and more frustrated with this whole process.

So if you haven't heard from me lately, I'm still hanging in there.  I just need some time to regroup each month and maybe even more time to get my attitude readjusted.  I truly appreciate all the support, kind words, pick-me-ups, and even the jokes.  A little humor does me wonders some days  :)  I am very blessed to have such kind and loving friends and family.  I certainly couldn't go through all of this without you!  Here's to keeping our fingers crossed that month 13 is lucky for us, I'll be sure to keep you updated.

"I take it you're not a golfer-" The Dude (Big Lebowski)

This summer Tim and I scored an amazing deal on a 2 year membership to a Country Club in Cedar Rapids.  My parents have been members of the Club for years and in hopes to gain new/ younger members the Club offered a super special discount to Junior Members, which Tim jumped at full force  :) 

Having said this, I decided it was time to dust off the old clubs, and by dust off I mean I had to find them, dump the 10 years worth of spiders and crap out of my bag and get them cleaned up.  For Mother's Day my son and loving husband bought me a new, fancy golf bag and some new golf shoes.  So I had all the equipment and looked like a pro, my only fear was that my skill level hadn't changed since that last time I had used the clubs.  But, I took a few lessons and to my surprise I actually didn't suck... as badly as I had when I played in high school anyway.  So my mom bit the bullet and signed ourselves up for Ladies League on Thursday mornings.

To set the stage, there are about 30 women, age 50+, all who have been playing in Ladies League since the 80's, just a little intimidating.  But come to find out, they all play 18 holes so we were safe because let's face it, I am not a millionaire and I can not afford to pay a sitter for 4+ hours of golf plus lunch and the drive to and from Cedar Rapids.  I'd be broke after one week  :)  So my mom and I play nine holes and have lunch and we have a blast.  Each week is a different format, last week only puts counted, this week was best shot, next week is flag events I think, so each hole has a different event like closest to the pin etc.  We certainly are not pro circuit material, but between my mom and I, we shot a 45 on nine holes.  I think we should just play together every time and just turn in the exact same score, but I suppose that would technically be cheating. 

At least I have renewed my interest in the game of golf.  As an adult, I can now see how people play over and over and over again to try to improve their game.  I'm not sure I'm quite that interested, but I can at least see where they might be coming from  :)

What to do, What to do???

As many of you have heard me say, I was asked elected begged to be co-direcor of our Church's VBS for this summer.  It might not have been on the top of my list of things I wanted to do this summer, but over all I have really enjoyed the experience.  The other 2 gals and I did a great job of planning and getting all the materials ready.  We even rounded up enough volunteers, which, let's face it, is usually the biggest hurdle and now all we need to do is put on the event.  Except for one problem... no one is signing their kids up to come???  We have been advertising since the beginning of April, there have been emails, church bulletins, we made a presentation a couple of times as both services, there are signs, a sign-up table, a fancy website with all kinds of links and information and we even worked the CR farmer's market handing out flyers and candy to try to reach new families.  And still no one is signing up... what do we do?  Cancel?  Postpone until later in the summer?  I, of course, want to keep on with the schedule for the families that have signed up, but it seems wasteful to not use all the supplies we bought and it's not like we're going to have another use for them later.  Of all the problems that entered my mind, a complete lack of attendance was not one of then...what to do, what to do???

"Like a Chicken with My Head Cut Off"

If you are wondering why my blogs have been so scarce lately it's because I am on the verge of loosing my mind  :)  Our schedule is totally nuts this month... like 2-3 events on the calendar each day.  YIKES!  Most are fun things, which is awesome, it's just really hectic around the Ahlers' household.  My day usually consists of 'trying' to shower before Graham wakes up (6:45), and then trying to pack everything we might need for the whole day into the car by 10:00 because chances are we won't be home again until after 9:00.  So everything from swimming suits, to blankets for naps, to snacks and pajamas has to come.  Our poor dog must think we have given up and just abandoned her  :(  But until July there is just too much stuff to do and not enough hours to do it and I'm certainly not going to miss out on any fun summer stuff like pool, golf, BBQs because Iowa only has nice weather for about 5 months  a year so I have to take advantage while it's here. 

Anyway, if you were wondering, NO I didn't die or give up on my goal of blogging... I just simply need more hours in my day  :)

Is it stalking if we've met???

So before you get too "in your head" about this, NO, I am not stalking anyone  :)  I have, however met quite a few nice ladies at the Country Club we now belong to and while our kids hit it off and we have a nice time chatting about how bad we suck at golf etc, we never really exchange digits or any kind of information.  It always ends with "Yeah it would be so fun to play 9 holes or tennis sometime" and then the kids start screaming and the afternoon comes to an end.

Well we recently received a Membership Directory, so I got to thinking... if everyone has this directory, and if I am also listed in the directory, then it couldn't be TOO bad if I look up these ladies and ask them to play golf sometime, right?  So yeah, it's a little 'stalkery' but we have talked and introduced ourselves before, so it's not like I'm a complete stranger... plus I would be fine with someone looking me up and asking to get together, but then again I think I am maybe just a little more open than some.  So is it technically stalking someone's info if you've met before?  What are the rules on this?

Eeeee, It's a Bug Mommy

In the past few weeks Graham has found this new 'interest' in bugs.  At first I thought, oh all boys like bugs, it's probably just a boy thing.  But as time went on, I realized Graham does not actually Graham like the bugs.  Instead there is he "Pollyanna" like shriek and then pointing out the spider, fly, butterfly or if he can't think of a name just 'bug.' It's not like we want to catch it or look at it... really we just want momma to come get it out-of-the-way of what we're doing.  It's gotten to the point that we can't do much of anything in the yard because every 3 seconds there is a new insect in his field of vision. 

Now I am not much of a bug person, but I am also not afraid of bugs nor do I run and get daddy when one needs to be removed from the house.  So in hopes to move on from having to point out every bug ever, because let's face it we spend a lot of time outside and that is where bugs live, I have tried picking them up to re-enforce that not all bugs bite and showing Graham how cool it is to watch them run around etc.  Yeah, no dice!  Graham gets completely freaked that the bugs are going to bite mommy and it all goes down hill.  So I tried  jar, but then all he wanted to do was thow the bug outside, so that was pretty pointless. 

I also tried having Tim talk to him about how bugs are not scary etc, but some how all that got me was now we have to keep the sliding door shut to the screened in porch because bugs might get in the house.  Err, aren't little boys supposed to like bugs?  How can Graham go from tackling the little boy next door to shreeking like a Pollyanna because a bug got on him when he landed in the grass?

A Little Memorial Day Blast from the Past

Here are some pictures from the last 3 Memorial Days... it's so crazy how fast time flies by. 

 For Graham's first Memorial Day we took him on a trip to Nebraska to meet Tim's Dad's side of the family.

[caption id="attachment_396" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Five generation picture on Tim's Dad's side"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_397" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Meeting Great-Great Grandpa Schonebaum for the first time"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_398" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I sure did love my exersaucer!"][/caption]

Last year we hung out with family and had a BBQ for Memorial Day.

[caption id="attachment_399" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Check out my mop!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_400" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I wear my sun glasses at night (2009)"][/caption]

And this year we did a little swimming and partying it up at the North Liberty Blues & BBQ Fest.

[caption id="attachment_401" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Swimming in our new "big boy" pool"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_402" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Feeding the baby cow at the petting zoo"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_403" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Sliding Down the Big Slide @ the North Liberty Blues & BBQ Fest."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_404" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Sliding Down the Big Slide @ the North Liberty Blues & BBQ Fest."][/caption]

Where does the time go?