Natural Born Leader

I have thought about going back to work part-time or one day a week many times since Graham was born.  For a long while I felt like this desire to work again made me a bad mom.  Why would anyone who is given the chance to stay home and not work ever want to go back, unless it was because you didn't like being a mom, right?  Wrong!  Being a stay at home mom has endless perks, being able to see your child grow and learn, being the one to teach and play with him, and being there to give love and support at an hour of the day.  At the same time, staying at home does have some downfalls, such as being alone all day, and for a person who thrives on adult interaction, this one downfall was almost a deal breaker.

As Graham has gotten older, this downfall has become less and less of an issue because we are able to be more involved.  We have music classes and MOPS, kidercise or tumble tots and moms groups, so we are constantly meeting up with other people/ kids for playdates etc.  I have met tons of great moms and have made many wonderful new friends who I cherish.  I can vent to these moms, I can ask advice, tell stories and just chit chat about all the crazy mom stuff, and they know exactly what I am talking about because they live and breathe it everyday.  So now that my need for adult interaction is met, why, ever so often, do I still feel this urge to get a job? 

I think it boils down to what Tim calls "being a natural born leader."  He says I love to lead things, and you don't have to tell him this, but he's right.  I love it!  I love planning and preparing, I love having meetings about topics outside of potty training and making babies.  It's the thrill of the event coming together and the satisfaction of knowing I pulled it off.  It's like some crazy business 'high' I get from leading.  I know, I know, I'm a nerd, but I admit that outright  :)  And no matter how much I try to be the leader of the household, there is only so much 'leading' that can be done over laundry, dishes, cleaning and caring for children.  I get little 'highs' now and then when Graham learns something new or has a whole day without an accident, but those are really his accomplishments.  I tried becoming the 'leader' of the calendar and our schedule, but Tim's work activities quickly won that battle.  I just want need more.

Having taken Tim's advice (wow that's two for Tim in one blog) I have started getting more engaged.  To begin with, I am going to co-direct VBS at our church this summer.  I figured it was a small step I could use as trial to make sure my skills aren't too shabby after 2 years off.  With any luck, things will go smoothly and hopefully this fall I can take on some other leadership roles with church, maybe MOPS or volunteering.  Here's to the re-birth of the leader in me!